I've been at this weight loss thing for two years and 4 months now and if I had to describe the experience in a few sentences, it would go like this:
THE GOOD
I've lost a lot of weight.
I've been able to stop taking a handful of medications every morning.
I've met a lot of great people with this blog.
I've been a successful role model and cheerleader for my husband's weight-loss efforts.
I've gathered a host of healthy recipes that we enjoy.
THE BAD
I haven't lost consistently and I haven't met my goals.
I stray from my plan or stretch the boundaries to the point that I don't lose.
THE UGLY
Given a choice, I would be an undisciplined Goober who uses food for
entertainment, comfort, and medication.
I've lost a lot of weight.
I've been able to stop taking a handful of medications every morning.
I've met a lot of great people with this blog.
I've been a successful role model and cheerleader for my husband's weight-loss efforts.
I've gathered a host of healthy recipes that we enjoy.
THE BAD
I haven't lost consistently and I haven't met my goals.
I stray from my plan or stretch the boundaries to the point that I don't lose.
THE UGLY
Given a choice, I would be an undisciplined Goober who uses food for
entertainment, comfort, and medication.
I'm not mad at myself...I'm just coming to grips with the fact that the part of me that wants to eat too much, too often is never going to wither up and die...it is here to stay. Left unchecked, my natural instincts are to gravitate toward the same foods that led me to this place.
I can fight the idea as much as I want, but, even after all this time, I find myself on a sliding scale between being either On or Off-PLAN. Some days I'm at one end or the other...most days I'm somewhere in between. But I'm still thinking in terms of On or Off. That way of thinking is part of what I hoped to change, but I'm beginning to believe that will never happen for me.
I can run up the number of days that I do well with THE PLAN by removing temptation from my environment. Sometimes I can even win a face-to-face stare down with temptation. But I have a really hard time with is the idea that I am still tempted at all.
I had really hoped that at some point a conversion would take place and temptation would be a thing of the past.
I wanted my heart to keep pace with my intellect in this pursuit.
It's frustrating to know that discipline and preparation are always going to be required. I was really still hoping for EASY!!!
It's disappointing to realize that there will be no surrender by my opponent...this battle for weight control will have to be fought the rest of my life.
I've armed myself well with great weapons...journaling, blogging, good recipes; I have a great battle plan mapped out for me; and I have a host of great soldiers fighting the battle with me; but the battle will still have to be waged in spite of all that. Darn! Darn! Darn!
History teaches us that the greatest victories sometimes come on the heels of the greatest defeats. Maybe, if I keep up the good fight, I'll someday plant my flag on the top of the hill!
Well, enough reflection! I have some heavy marching to do today, fellow soldiers!
I can fight the idea as much as I want, but, even after all this time, I find myself on a sliding scale between being either On or Off-PLAN. Some days I'm at one end or the other...most days I'm somewhere in between. But I'm still thinking in terms of On or Off. That way of thinking is part of what I hoped to change, but I'm beginning to believe that will never happen for me.
I can run up the number of days that I do well with THE PLAN by removing temptation from my environment. Sometimes I can even win a face-to-face stare down with temptation. But I have a really hard time with is the idea that I am still tempted at all.
I had really hoped that at some point a conversion would take place and temptation would be a thing of the past.
I wanted my heart to keep pace with my intellect in this pursuit.
It's frustrating to know that discipline and preparation are always going to be required. I was really still hoping for EASY!!!
It's disappointing to realize that there will be no surrender by my opponent...this battle for weight control will have to be fought the rest of my life.
I've armed myself well with great weapons...journaling, blogging, good recipes; I have a great battle plan mapped out for me; and I have a host of great soldiers fighting the battle with me; but the battle will still have to be waged in spite of all that. Darn! Darn! Darn!
History teaches us that the greatest victories sometimes come on the heels of the greatest defeats. Maybe, if I keep up the good fight, I'll someday plant my flag on the top of the hill!
Well, enough reflection! I have some heavy marching to do today, fellow soldiers!
11 comments:
Those temptations will never go away! But they will make you stronger :)
Your statement: It's disappointing to realize that there will be no surrender by my opponent...this battle for weight control will have to be fought the rest of my life. Is an eye opener. But if we realize that - we'll also realize the importnace of making lifestyle changes that will stick.
You'll plant that flag on the hill!
It is a battle. My neighbor who is also now on WW has a great way of reminding me that those unhealthy habits have been there sooooo much longer than the good ones. If I have 20+ years of emotional eating and boredom eating and overeating to overcome, I can't expect that the habits I've had for 14 months to really win out.
That helps me to put it in perspective for me. So just think, in another 40 years, the good will outweigh the bad for you! :p
58+40=98!!! Now, that's something to look forward to! lol!
Perhaps you might make your goal to be neither on-plan or off-plan but somewhere in between.
When I was doing the on plan/off plan I went from being highly motivated to highly discouraged.
Now that I'm on a more even keel, I'm finding that my weight is too...instead of losing and then regaining, I'm either losing or maintaining...regaining is no longer part of the equation.
This, for me, is a huge success and one I find comfort in, knowing that I at least have discovered how to keep from regaining. The fact that it too requires just as much constant vigilance as dieting for weight loss was a big surprise to me. But it is easier because the food allowance is bigger.
It is very discouraging to realize that we will always revert if we don't constantly engage...but knowing how to at least hold the ground we've gained is an improvement over gaining weight.
I've realized that the majority of thin people are constantly engaged in maintaining their weight...even the 20 somethings do things to offset their indulgences and I'm finding they limit those indulgences...
Only a few people get a free pass to eat indiscriminately and never gain an ounce. I do so wish I'd realized this sooner so I'd have quit waiting and hoping to find the magic bullet that would let me eat all that I wanted all the while staying trim, thin and fit. That was a fairy tale.
Of course, I know I'm preaching to the choir. You, like me are an "old" hand at this battle of the bulge. At least we are still trying...I'd given up for a couple of years thinking there was nothing that would help me.
Feel free not to publish this lengthy comment...just wanted to offer up some words of personal encouragement.
I love your comments, Dinah, and could care less how long they are. Write On!!!
Yeah, my secret ultimate goal is not to have to be on a Plan at all but to just be able to manage like "thin" people do...so hard!!!
Timely comments - yet again. Glad you picked a Monday to post them because I really needed to hear them. Thanks for the reminder. This process isn't easy now and it probably won't be any easier in the future - but it's worth the battles and it's worth fighting for. The key is not giving up in defeat - not to surrender (like I've done so many times in the past). So I'll go on marching....
I think we all struggle with the temptations everyday! Afterall, thats why we are here right?
My goal is kinda like yours, neither be On Plan, or Off Plan eventually, just be able to have "adopted" a healthy way of eating, and "indulge" once in awhile.
your positives far outweigh the negatives, so I wouldnt beat yourself up on what you havent accomplished yet. I think you have done great!
There's no surrender, but I think there can be a point of deadlock where temptation is equaled or outweighed by the determination to achieve your goals.
The bad habits are strong because, as Noelle pointed out, they've been with us a LONG time!
It's unlikely I'll ever NOT feel the call of a Reese's PB Cup, but I have come to some kind of weird acceptance stage where I know that I cannot eat those at every whim.
That bit of acceptance, that feeling that this is my lifestyle, this is how I eat and how I will eat, took some time in coming. It's kind of a sad moment, because you accept that you simply cannot eat what you want, when you want and in the quantities you want. It's like I knew it before, but didn't really accept that this is the way it is.
That doesn't mean I'll never eat another Reese's, but it may mean that I never buy another bag full of them. Having a taste is fine... overindulgence is not.
I'm really glad I read this post, because tonight I realized something. I realized that this is the VERY first time I have EVER stuck with a weight loss plan for over a year. I've been at this for a year and a half now. That by itself gives me hope that I can endure this battle.
You're so right, Cynthia. And, like you, even though I'm not perfect, this is the first time in my life that I have ever committed myself to a plan for more than a few weeks and that is a victory in itself!
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