DENIAL AND DELUSION

You've heard it...denial is not a river in Egypt. Delusion is not what magicians perform. No, denial and delusion are tools I have utilized in an expert manner to maintain my overweight status.

I could claim that I didn't do it purposely, but I don't think that would be entirely accurate. There have been times when I definitely chose to "look the other way" when the truth was wagging its finger under my nose. I've chosen to do this twice since beginning Core.

The Core list includes popcorn:

"air-popped or 94% fat-free microwave-popped only."

When I began eating from the Core list, I tried placing a couple of tablespoons of popcorn in a lunch bag and popping it in the microwave as many people have recommended, but my microwave is a little funky, cheap thing and insisted on burning a tennis ball size clump of popcorn every time, so I finally decided this was not going to work for me. So I reverted back to the prepared bags of microwave popcorn and because I was trying to be thrifty, I purchased the "light" variety from Aldi's. Now, I knew that I had researched the nutritionals on this popcorn when I was doing Flex, decided it was too many points, and gone on to buy 100-calorie packs instead.

I also knew, that in spite of the claim that it was a "light" variety, when I ate the popcorn from the bag there was a decided oily film on the inside of the bag...that couldn't be good. And I also knew that the amount of popcorn in the bag was more than I should be eating. But, I wouldn't let myself go there...I kinda purposely neglected to face the reality of what was on the side of that box in the nutritionals section...I kinda purposely deluded myself into thinking that this popcorn fell into my Core guidelines...but, deep inside, I KNEW...I KNEW!

I finally made myself look at the box and discovered I was eating 380 calories every time I ate one of those bags...and I was eating one every afternoon whether I was hungry or not...it was my afternoon treat and I fully expected to have it. After seeing the number that I had been avoiding like the plague, I had to come to the realization that this was a habit that I had to overcome...this was a reality I could no longer deny...this was a bit of self-delusion that I would no longer allow.

I now own a hot-air popper and I monitor the amount of popcorn I eat...veil lifted.

My second episode involved cereal. The Core list for cold cereal says the following:

"Puffed wheat, puffed rice, shredded wheat, and 100% bran cereals that do not contain added sugar are limited to one meal a day and must be eaten with fat-free milk or fat-free plain yogurt."

I hadn't been eating cold cereal, opting instead for oatmeal, so I had not put this to the test, but I bought some fat-free yogurt and I really enjoy a little cold cereal as a topper for yogurt. I have Fiber-One in the house and I really like it...I could easily go there. But I found a box of Kashi Go Lean at a good price at Aldi's the first of the year and bought it. I didn't check the nutritionals...it was Kashi...it was healthy...it had lots of fiber. And then the next time I shopped, they had a box of Kashi Go Lean Crunch. I'm always in for the crunch. Again, I didn't check the nutritionals...it's Kashi...it's healthy!

So, I'm using it with my yogurt and it's sweet and crunchy and that little voice is whispering in my ear that perhaps it's just a little too sweet and a little too crunchy and perhaps I should double check the wisdom of choosing this particular cereal. But, no...I chose to deny that voice...I chose to delude myself into believing there was really no difference in choosing this cereal over Fiber-One. But I KNEW...I KNEW!

Here are the facts:

Fiber-One,serving size 1/2 cup, 60 cal,14g fiber,1g fat,0g sugar, 0 points
Kashi Go Lean , serving size 3/4 cup,110 cal, 8g fiber, 1g fat, 5g sugar, 2 points
Go Lean Crunch, serving size 1 cup, 190 cal, 8g fiber, 3g fat, 13g sugar, 3 points

Now, I could reduce the damages by limiting myself to the same 1/2 cup serving that the Fiber-One uses to eek out that 0Point status (I was not, by the way), but the Kashi cereals were not Core. They both had added sugar. And while they are both far superior to a lot of the cold cereals out there, they are not the choices I want to make at this time.

Denial and delusion have led me to make some "not so wise" choices and they have given me permission to continue making those same choices repeatedly even knowing deep inside that they were not the best choices.

Denial and delusion led me to say that I was experiencing negligible weight loss because I was an older woman and that was to be expected, in spite of the fact that I was pushing the points value of the foods I was eating to the extreme.

Denial and delusion can undermine even the best weight loss plan. And as people with a history of overeating, weight problems, and repeated attempts at weight loss, most of us have become expert at utilizing these techniques to undermine our progress. Maybe today is a good day for pulling back that curtain and unveiling all our little self-defeating schemes so we can make some REAL progress.