THE CONFUSED CONSUMER

Don't you just want a straight answer sometimes?

We have an eyebrow window in our dining room that the seal has broken on and allowed moisture to get inside. It still guards from the wind and rain, but it doesn't look pretty anymore. A fellow came to the door the other day and wanted to give us an estimate on replacing it. Now, I am the resident shrew when it comes to door-to-door people and I give them a verbal kick in the seat of the pants and send them on their way if I answer the door. My theory is that my home is my refuge from the scoundrels of the world and if I want an estimate, I will research a few reputable companies in the area and invite them to come give me a quote and then I will decide who I want to do business with.

But Hubby answered the door and he's a pleasant sort about such things and gave the guy the go-ahead to give him the estimate. An estimate. An hour later the fellow was still giving Hubby the spiel about how great their company was and how we would get our window at fifty percent of what anyone else in the neighborhood would if we would allow them to put a sign in the front lawn and write a glowing letter they could show other people and the great price was only good now because he had someone on the next street he was visiting after us and he could only offer it to one home in the neighborhood and how we could finance it or pay over 90 days and we had to keep the price a secret from our neighbors because they wouldn't be offered this same low price...and all the time, he had not even taken out a measuring tape. So Mama Shrew came from the other room to rescue Hubby and pretty soon this guy who belonged on night-time tv selling real estate seminars was on his way, still spouting that we might get a cheaper price from a competitor but the quality wouldn't be the same...yadda...yadda...yadda.

Please!!!

And we get the same treatment from all the "researchers" out there with their studies about what "diet" is best for us. In the same evening, I swear this is true, I read three different reports by researchers about carbohydrate consumption. One said that carbohydrate as a group were harmful because even the complex ones caused the body to produce too much insulin and all kinds of harm would result. Another said that simple carbs were bad, but a diet containing complex carbs was ideal for good health. And the third claimed that a carb was a carb was a carb and that the only people who needed to concern themselves with what type of carb they consumed were people who were pre-disposed to diabetes and overweight women...hmmm...isn't that most of America, bub???

And the "research" into fats and proteins is just as confusing.

You know what? Experience tells me when I am getting "sold" whether it's a window or the latest diet craze.

The best evidence for food being "right" for me is my own experience. When I eat an apple, I feel good, I am satisfied with one, and I am happy for a couple of hours. When I eat the same apple in a pie, I get heart-burn afterward, I want more than a small serving, and I'm looking for something salty to eat immediately afterward to take the sweet taste out of my mouth.

When I eat my whole grain, high-fiber English muffin and peanut butter for breakfast, I'm good for about three hours...I feel like I've been fed, but I don't feel stuffed...and my blood sugar stays pretty even. If I eat pancakes with syrup, my blood sugar takes a dive in about two hours, I feel shaky and my speech slurs and I'm on the hunt for something to get it back up NOW and that is usually something else sugary which will work quickly and the cycle begins again.

And when I eat fried foods, I suffer with heart-burn and reflux that keeps me awake for hours at night.

The "researchers" can say what they want, but experience tells me what my body wants and I think I'll stick with that.

FORM FOLLOWS FUNCTION

I was reminded of this as I took a virtual visit through the Smithsonian display of Julia Child's kitchen...a treat, by the way. There was a comment on the site concerning Julia's desire to have a kitchen that was very functional and devoid of fancy extras that might have made the kitchen look better to the home audience. She labeled her spoon holder and drew outlines of pans on the pegboard they hung from so they could easily be returned to their proper place between uses. She recognized that a kitchen workspace needn't be luxurious...it just needed to work.

I never got into French cooking, but I always thought Julia Child was a terrific lady and one to be admired. She would eat a Burger King hamburger with the same relish that she would a gourmet meal...she seemed to enjoy life and she made you want to enjoy it with her.

I am one for simplicity myself...I love taking complex instructions and turning them into workable steps that can be easily understood and carried out. I always read through recipes and knitting instructions looking for the key message and visualize each step in my mind before attempting to carry them out.

My recipe books that I keep with favorites collected in them are brief and often contain no instructions along with the ingredients as long as the method for preparing them is a standard one...wet ingredients here mixed with dry ingredients there...how many times do I need to write all that out? But it drives Nurse Lara crazy when she tries to follow one of my recipes.

I'm also a firm believer in form following function...my kitchen is laid out for my convenience and for the type of cooking I do. Frequently used items are within reach and seldom used ones are in the top cabinets or even in another room.

I feel the same way about my eating plan...I love simplicity. I couldn't survive a complicated plan...and for me that includes the weighing and measuring thing. I did it at the beginning to get a handle on what was a "normal" size serving and then I put those things away and brought out serving bowls that are smaller and hold half-cup and one cup servings. I put away the larger soup-cereal bowls and bought four bowls that hold a one and a half cup serving of soup...a normal serving for me now.

I serve our dinners on smaller plates...I brought out larger and more attractive salad bowls...I use larger glasses for our water.

I quit putting the food into serving bowls and fill our plates from the stove. The only food I put on the table from the bowl are vegetables that can be eaten freely.

This process may have robbed my kitchen and table of the charm that might be present in a more "gentile" setting, but it functions well for helping us eat healthier portions without the constant measuring and weighing.

A MEXICAN INSPIRED SOUP

I pretty much routinely fix a pot of some kind of soup almost every Sunday afternoon to put in the fridge for my lunches the next week. As long as there is some kind of soup to reach for, I don't go into "searching for something...anything...with the fridge door hanging open" mode. This was my soup this week.

MEXICAN SOUP

2 or 3 boneless, skinless chicken breasts

1/2 medium onion, diced

1 jar Salsa, about 2 cups

3 15oz cans chicken broth

1 packet taco seasoning mix

1 cup frozen corn

1 15oz can kidney beans, drained

Mist a soup pot with non-stick cooking spray and add the chicken and onions. Cook over medium-high heat until the chicken is browned on both sides and the onions are slightly browned. Add the remaining ingredients. Lower heat to low and cover the pot. Cook for about an hour until the chicken is done. Remove it from the soup and allow to cool. When chicken has cooled, shred the meat and add it back to the soup.

This recipe is very low fat and high in fiber. If the carbs in the corn and beans are a problem, I think a bag of frozen California blend vegetables would also work well in their stead.

WEEKEND STRATEGIES

I do my best thinking when my hands are occupied with washing dishes, folding clothes, or knitting. I solve all the world's problems if I wake up during the night and have trouble falling back to sleep. My brain is constantly in gear at those times. Send me to the grocery store without my list and it goes into total shut-down!

I've had a lot of time to think today as I knitted away on the Christmas sweaters. I'm still trying to decide which habit I want to tackle next, and I think I've decided on concentrating on weekend eating. I pretty much have the "normal" days...those where Hubby goes to work, I do my thing all day, and he comes home for dinner and evening relaxation...under control. I have a pattern of eating that works for me and I seldom have a problem with overeating on those days.

But the days when Hubby is home and my routine is out the window, I seem to struggle more. Sometimes it is because we are busy and I don't get my regular mini-meals during the day, so I'm kinda left combining a meal with the snack that I missed which leads me to choosing more than I need at one setting or eating something that is a little more indulgent since I have calories to spare.

Or we find ourselves in different settings than I'm used to or with menus that are new and different and invite experimentation...you know...an appetizer that sounds terrific and just happens to be deep-fried.

Or visiting with friends and being offered something scrumptious.

So, now I need to figure out what I am willing to do to make those encounters more points-friendly. As my daughter's beau, Mark, puts it: List the work...work the list.

• Eat half and take the other half home with me.
• Drink a glass of water before diving in.
• Eat slowly and ENJOY the treat.
• Balance an indulgence out with lighter meals the rest of the day...vegetables in the form of a salad, soup, or simple stir-fry in exchange for the treat earlier in the day.
• Relax and get enough rest...a nap is preferable to eating because I'm tired and needing a "lift".
• Be aware of my eating...it's easy to forget the nibble here and there.
• Remember that Monday is going to follow that weekend and I don't want to wake up sorry for all the extras I've had over the weekend.
• Remember that I can have a good time without overeating.
• Try a cup of flavored tea or coffee instead of food as a treat.
• Separate TV watching from eating.
• Make sure to journal my eating on the weekend when I'm running just like I do through the week. Writing down everything I eat makes me accountable for it and really helps me think twice before eating something.

I'm going to write these things down and check them off as I use them next weekend and see if I can create a better pattern of eating then just as I have through the week.

IT'S A CHALLENGE

Monday mornings are great for reassessment, aren't they? A time to review how the past week went, how you managed the challenges of a weekend, and where to go from here. And I appreciate the opportunity to erase the chalkboard and start anew.

I was reading last night that it's a good thing to tackle one challenge at a time when it comes to weight loss...conquer it and then move on to the next one. It's an idea worth exploring, I guess...but then I begin to wonder if I have "conquered" any of the bad habits that got me to this place. There are times when I feel I take two steps forward and one back most of the time...a slow slodge toward the finish line, but progress all the same.

But after giving it some thought, I can honestly admit that I have met and conquered a few bad habits...the butter demon has been slain...the "going on a diet" demon has been laid to rest...the quitting all together monster has been buried.

There are some old habits that may never die, but will need to be tamed and controlled...an ongoing battle that I must accept. I will probably always turn to food when I'm in need of comfort...or sometimes just for entertainment...but, I'm certainly able to recognize those times as they occur and try to have strategies in place to deal with them. Sometimes I win and sometimes I fall back into the old habit. I'm just happy when the score is in my favor most of the time.

I guess if I had to be honest, I would seek perfection and hope to conquer all those bad habits forever, but it's not going to happen. But I can do some soul-searching and try to find the next one I'd like to place in the forefront and pay a little more attention to.

Which old habit would you tackle next?

BATTERED WOMAN?

Hubby has lots of time left to him that he doesn't want to donate to General Motors at the end of the year, so he has been taking Fridays off and we head out to do fun things all day.

Yesterday found us at the old County Courthouse in Bartholomew County getting a copy of our Marriage License...don't ask...another GM thing...too many "couples" out there wanting benefits, I guess. Anyway, we hadn't been there since we got our application 38 years ago and it was a fun trip down memory lane and good for a few laughs when we saw our signatures...mine has changed...his is identical...and the fact that his Mom and Dad signed it giving him consent to marry even though we were both 20...don't know what that was about! My sister, Polly, who passed away 12 years ago had also signed it as the person who had delivered the completed application to the court...don't remember that at all.

As we left town and headed back north to Indianapolis, we passed the sign where you turn off to go to the area where I grew up and Hubby decided it was time for me to see the "old house" again...we go about every 10 years just for laughs. It is farm country and Hubby is always amazed at how far we kids used to walk...miles...to get to the nearest little town...or the routes we took on our bicycles just for fun. That's why we weren't fat little kids in spite of all the good food we ate!

Everytime I see the house, I would swear that they have moved it closer to the county road. When we were kids, the house seemed to sit back a mile and now it seems as though it is only a stone's throw. Perspective can be tricky.

We then drove by the farm of old family friends who have converted their corn fields into a vineyard and have opened a winery...a growing trend here in the Midwest. It was fun to see.

But what I'm referring to in my title was a stop we made as we got closer to home at a yard sale. It was in a lovely setting and we were enjoying the goods...I bought several things. I began to look at some beautiful sweaters that were displayed when the young woman who was conducting the sale came from the shadows in the garage and started telling me the sizes and so forth. She was heavy and cliche as it is, she had a beautiful face. She told me they had been hers but she had bariatric surgery 2 months ago and would not be able to wear them next winter.

As she mentioned the surgery, all the light went out of her eyes and I had to ask, the nurse and Mom in me made me...are you ok? And she looked straight in my eyes and said, "I miss eating...I'm not going to kid you...I miss eating!"

She looked like a woman who had married the man of her dreams and then discovered he was a wife-beater. She looked lost and very sad. I just wanted to hug her. It is still bothering me today.

We went on to talk about my loss and WW and she told me how much she wished she had found something that would have worked for her before she had the surgery. I wish she had too.

I left thinking how fortunate I was to have taken this path and how much I wish it had been different for her.

ANOTHER LINK IN THE CHAIN

I try to make light of the struggles I face...like the ice cream incident. I think facing life with a smile on your face is a good thing...I learned that from my Mom (although I'll never be as good at it as she was).

But, on a more serious note, I am totally aware that I gain strength from each of those little struggles. When a bone breaks, the area where the healing takes place becomes even stronger. The scar from a cut is tougher than the surrounding skin. When you repair a broken chain, you make sure that the new link is a strong one. The ice cream was making me feel weak...like a victim...and I refuse to feel that way when it is in my power to do something about it.

There are so many things in our lives that we have no control over, but our weight and how we deal with it is not one of those things. I haven't had anyone physically open my mouth and force food into it...that has always been my choice. Yes, the circumstances can sometimes be difficult, but they are not insurmountable.

Hubby and I went to our local Kroger yesterday afternoon for some yogurt and fruits and vegetables...we go through a lot of both...and the smell of frying chicken was everywhere. It's a great marketing tool...the smell of food can be VERY enticing...and they have it down to an art. We were there in the morning last week and the smell of the bakery was drawing us in...that's no accident. Pass a KFC or a steak house and notice the aromas coming from them...the Cinnabon at the food court in the mall. We have to be strong to remind ourselves that it is just a smell...it reminds us of great experiences we've had with that particular food...but it will pass...it will pass!

And each time we make the right choice when tempted, we become a little stronger, and we add another strong link to that chain that will pull us from this obesity pit into which we've fallen.

GUESS WHO WENT DOWN THE TUBES TODAY

I can't help it...it was me or the ice cream!

There it was mocking me every time I went to get something from the freezer side of the fridge..."Come and get me. You know you want me!"

There it was...my summer romance...Cherry Chocolate Sugar-Free, Low-Fat Ice Cream. I said it was over...that I had to move on...that a new slender me depended on it...but there it was...day after day.

I sat it aside and tried to hide it from view. Back there behind the frozen broccoli and the tilapia. I put the little cartons of 60 calorie Light and Fit Yogurt all frozen and refreshing in plain view...ready to save me from any further damage from that other stuff that was so hard to resist.

But there it was...trying to steal my serenity. Hubby didn't want it...he isn't tempted by it...he wants chocolate. It wasn't going anywhere unless I took action.

And I admit it...it was me. I grabbed that ice cream...secure in its carton...and I ripped it from that carton...and I put it in the sink...the side with the disposal...eek! Then I turned the water on...the HOT water...eek! And I laughed...Yes...I laughed heartily as that evil concoction disappeared down that drain.

I'm the boss around here. I'm giving notice to all you other foods! Tempt me...and you'll get what that ice cream got!!!

HOW ABOUT A MULLIGAN?

A mulligan...a gimme...a do-over! Sometimes I wish I could have one.

You're tooling along doing great and BANG you're into the chips. Or that ice cream portion you had was a little too good and you go back for a refill. You promise yourself that the piece of pizza will satisfy your taste for it but find yourself standing in front of the fridge later eating two more slices.

And then the regret sets in and you're moaning to yourself and asking, "Why? Why? Why? do I do this?"

And that's when you wish you could pick up that ball and drop it again and forget that awful swing you just took. Wouldn't it be great?

Unfortunately, most of us put ourselves in that "all or nothing" frame of mind and tell ourselves that we've "blown" it and we might as well go on eating like little pigs until tomorrow...or Monday...or the New Year.

So, instead of having a 300 calorie indulgence, we end up with our own version of "Lost Weekend" and pile on 1000's of calories and make the worst food choices we possibly could because we've already messed up anyway.

Now, wouldn't it just be better to take that Mulligan? Instead of ending the game and going home because we've taken a wild shot...just pick up the ball right there and then and start with a new swing? Right back in the game without further harm done.

I think so.

Next time I mess up...I'm taking that Mulligan!

STEP 8

I've mentioned before that I attended Overeaters Anonymous meetings several years ago and even though I drifted away from them, the 12 Step Program left a lasting impression on me. A friend's blog entry brought Step 8 to mind..."Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all." This then leads to Step 9 where the amends are actually carried out.

When I first became acquainted with OA and read this step, I could easily understand the need for it when it came to the recovering alcoholic, but it was a little less clear to me how this step related to someone with an overeating problem. I figured I was the only one who had been harmed by my problem with overweight. But after some soul searching, I realized that I had most likely harmed quite a few people...mainly my husband and children.

We often place our loved ones in very frustrating situations. We ask them to love us as we sometimes consider ourselves unlovable...have you ever tried that? It is hard.

We ask them to be patient with us as we grow more and more impatient with ourselves.

We ask them to understand us and our problem as we have little understanding of ourselves or the problem we face.

We ask them to follow our latest diet whims...low fat, low carbs, no sugar...and then expect them to drop those same restrictions when we tire of them.

We ask them to get excited about our progress and compliment our successes, even the smallest ones and to look the other way when we "fail".

We ask them to consider our inner beauty when we consider ourselves less than beautiful.

We ask them to do as we say and not as we do when it comes to eating healthfully.

And when they tire of our schizophrenic attempts at being "good" and then being "bad", we feel abandoned and unloved.

Our loved ones have to pay a high price when we don't care for ourselves. They must watch someone they love dearly be unhappy and ashamed of who they are. How can we ask our children to have high self-esteem when we don't pattern that behavior for them?

The first person we need to make amends to is ourselves...and we must do that. We can't keep beating ourselves up and hating the person we are. But the next people we need to acknowledge with our love and understanding are our confused and sometimes frustrated loved ones who deserve the best we have to offer.

THIS IS FUN!

I found myself giggling as I looked in the mirror this morning. This is starting to be fun. I can't remember the last time I lay out clothes on the bed so I could pick just the right thing to wear.

I can't remember the last time I smiled when I put on a sweater and loved the way it felt and looked on me. I smiled because the lavender of the sweater looked good with the silver my hair has become.

I can't remember when I allowed my hair to become shoulder length...I always denied myself that pleasure when I was younger...and have been pleased that it is shiny and healthy looking and "flips" at the end just the way it should. Must be all those vitamins I'm getting from the fruits and vegetables.

Feeling feminine and caring about what I wear and hearing compliments from Hubby are all things that I don't take for granted. I appreciate them and enjoy them and I am happy to say that I deserve them!

CHALLENGING THE CHALLENGE

You probably didn't notice, but I decided today to remove the challenge information from my sidebar...and here's why.

I latched onto the idea of challenging myself to having 30 "successful" days in September after reading Christine's blog and seeing she had challenged herself to have a great month. I felt I needed something to spur me on since the end of August had been a little rough for me and I was kinda looking for a "new beginning". And the challenge has been fun and I have been motivated by it...but...I became concerned with the idea that I could truthfully post that I had been "successful" on any given day only if I had followed my plan perfectly. It was the "perfect" and "successful" adjectives that started bothering me.

Since I began this journey almost two years ago, I had made a promise to myself that I would no longer follow an eating plan that required perfection...I was looking for improvement and personal growth...a change in my attitudes about eating. Striving for perfection had put me on a course for failure too many times in the past...I knew that wouldn't work for me.

I had a great day yesterday...I chose well all day, including a "treat" of a small DQ ice cream cone in the afternoon. I sat eating it and marveled at the fact that I had finally chosen a plan that allowed regular food and I could actually eat an ice cream cone and enjoy it without any guilt. We left there and headed to the apple orchard where we chose a couple of different varieties to enjoy the next couple of weeks.

We all have "rituals" surrounding certain events, don't we? Our trips to the orchard always included caramel apples with nuts...always. So Hubby asked if I wanted one and I declined but told him I would have a bite of his...which I did...and I enjoyed it. Again, I marveled that I had come a long way...I was happy with a bite of his...that is my kind of success. But when I went to record in my journal and do my blog entry, I had to admit that the bite of apple had not been on my plan and I would not be able to call my efforts for the day "On-Plan"...the bite had not been part of my plan.

Now, I didn't mind putting that down on my count-down for September...but I did mind the way I felt. I felt guilty and "imperfect" and like I had failed...all over a bite of a caramel apple...a bite that I would normally feel was a sign of my being successful in my efforts to improve my over-all eating. And guilt makes you want to eat. I felt bad and I wanted to eat because of it.

It was then that I decided I wasn't cut out for challenges and I'd better admit it and go on.

My challenge will continue to be with myself to make an honest effort to do my best every time I am confronted by food. I will win some and lose some, but the battle must still be fought every day and every day I do that, I am a success.

IT'S ALL MY (DE)FAULT

The electricity goes off and every clock in the house goes to default position...12:00...and I have to go all through the house and reset everyone of them. Well, that's a slight exaggeration...I have some with battery back-up and one that is controlled by satellites or magic or something, but does its own thing and is supposed to be totally accurate at all times.

I think I came with a default position for my eating too. It's the one I fall back on when I'm not making an effort to do better. I think my default setting could probably best be described as "All I want...what I want...when I want!".

Probably the most important thing I do each day as I wake up...right after deciding what time it is and what day it is and what I have to do next...is to remind myself that I will not be eating in default position that day. I remind myself that I will be eating healthy foods in healthy amounts and then I mentally key in "Save changes" and enter that into my mental computer. After that, I have to make sure the power doesn't go off leaving me back in default position once again.

What supplies the power? You do...I read your blogs and your comments and it inspires me to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I don't feel as alone or overwhelmed when I know there is a community of great people out there fighting the same fight I am and conquering it one day, one pound at a time.

I find power in surrounding myself with good foods and by purposely eliminating the ones that cause me problems from my environment.

I find power in being surrounded by people who care about me and who I care about.

I find power in doing this every day to the best of my ability and when I find myself back in default...I turn the power back on as soon as possible.

MY BRAIN TAKES A VACATION

We've all had those moments when we ask ourselves, "What was I thinking?"

I had one this morning. I wanted to knit my grandsons...all four of them...warm sweaters that resemble hooded sweatshirts for their Christmas presents. I looked at the pattern, figured their sizes, calculated (yeah, this is where the Kathy Calculates comes from...knitting, points... I calculate things all day long!) the number of skeins of yarn I would need, and sent my order. The yarn arrived yesterday and I thought to myself that it just didn't seem like enough, but I started knitting a sleeve to check for gauge and when I completed the first one, I realized that I had already used 1/4 of the allotted yarn for that sweater...hmmm!

So this morning I went back to the drawing board to see what the problem was and there it was...the pattern was written in ounces and the yarn is supplied in grams...back to the calculations and a new order is sent for the remaining yarn.

I'm not immune to this kind of thinking...reaching for the handle of a hot skillet of cornbread in the oven without a pot holder...my brain is thinking that it directs the hand to reach for handles on skillets all the time without suffering a burn and forgets to register that, yeah, we do that, but the skillet is not in the oven at the time!

It's the same kind of thinking that can get you into trouble in buffet lines, or when placing an order at a fast food place with the cashier ready to pounce on you to hurry up and make a decision, or when you are in a hurry and late for work and figure you'll find something to eat at lunch time that won't put you over...it's going on "automatic" and not thinking things through.

Being in "automatic" mode can spell disaster because what we may choose under those circumstances may be what we would have chosen all those times before and not what we now know is the healthier choice. I try to keep lots of pre-calculated choices around because there are times when I find myself busy and going through the day on "automatic" and I want to make it as easy as possible to make good choices under those circumstances.

Now, I have to go...I misplaced my calculator and I'm afraid I may have put it in the freezer.

I'M THINKING...RANDOMLY

Shannon tagged me for "Eight Random Things About Me" and since I just did that a few weeks ago, I thought I'd modify the meme and just post 8 random thoughts:

1. My day begins at 5 o'clock when I prepare breakfast for Hubby, pack his lunch...most of it done the night before...and scoot him out the door. I usually sit down about 5:45 to catch up on the local news and my e-mails with a cup of coffee and my breakfast which consists of a 100 calorie high-fiber English muffin toasted with chunky peanut butter on top. This lasts me until 9 o'clock when I have a snack. By the time I reached mid-morning yesterday I wanted some volume...so I shook things up and had a big salad mid-morning. This filled me up and I was good until after 12...I'm usually watching the clock and ready to dive into something by 11:30. Shaking things up is a good thing!
2. I went to mypyramid.gov this morning to check out the government website dedicated to helping individuals design a food pyramid that takes into account their individual height, weight, age, sex, and level of activity. Like most things governmental, the site was slow as molasses in February loading, but I did end up with a pyramid that is very close to what I'm eating now...there suggestion is for another 100 calories...and that is reassuring.
3. I'm going to buy a butternut squash when I go grocery shopping this week and make some soup. I'm posting the recipe on my recipe site if you are interested in it.
4. I'm trying to increase the amount of dairy I take in because calcium is really important for us older ladies to ward off osteoporosis. I have been eating the daily yogurt in the evening. Another favorite of mine is a serving of fat-free cottage cheese mixed with a little sweetener and vanilla over fresh berries...raspberries were my most recent, but I also love it over strawberries...and two or three thin pretzel sticks broken over the top. It satisfies my sweet and salty cravings.
5. I've noticed that a lot of people are spending more time in the kitchen these days...no, not cooking...we live there. Our former home had a separate kitchen that was two rooms away from our sitting area, so once the meals were eaten and the clean-up done, I could stay away from all that was tempting in there. Our new house has the family room and kitchen combined and I am literally in my kitchen the majority of my waking day. We have a separate room...mostly unused...that is a formal living room and dining room combined and I have given serious thought to moving my comfy chair, tv, computer, reading materials and knitting in there away from the food. I've noticed Hubby eats far less snack food since he has been sitting on the deck with a book in the evening after work.
6. We've moved from melon into apple mode in the past week. We bought a huge bag of Gala apples at Sam's Saturday and they are wonderful. We've been trying to eat seasonal food more while it is fresh and regional...we tend to get more variety that way.
7. I have signed up with a company that will deliver fresh vegetables to our door once a week. I've been reading about these deliveries on other blogs and been so jealous and now I have a chance to try it out since a new company has moved into our area. They are starting slowly and I will begin getting deliveries in about a month...can't wait!
8. Read this the other day and I couldn't agree more: "Guilt does more to undo a dieter's willpower than any brownie. So if you choose to indulge on occasion, at least enjoy it. Then go back to eating right."

DON'T ASK WHY?

"Focusing on why you engage in emotional eating implies that there's a deep psychological problem. But for most people, emotional eating is simply a bad habit." ...Gary Foster, PhD, director of the Center for Obesity Research and Education at Temple University.

I've spent years trying to self-analyze the reasons that I overate...there could be so many...but I also felt, deep down, that there wasn't anything "broken" in my psyche. I suffered low moments every once in awhile...but so does everyone else. Maybe I had low self-esteem...nah, I liked myself and had a pretty good handle on my weaknesses and strengths. I kept seeing all these books that related all these reasons that were behind people eating too much and the people who had to go through therapy to overcome issues with food, and I knew that there were many people with true food issues that probably benefited from that type of help, but I never felt like I needed it...which sometimes led me to believe that I was probably just in denial and that maybe that very feeling that I wasn't one of those people who needed psychological help with their weight problem was the surest sign that I was in deeper trouble than those who could at least admit they were in over their heads.

So, I am glad to hear experts agreeing with me that in many cases the biggest problem most of us have with food is a long list of bad habits that we just keep perpetuating day after day until a small weight problem grows into a big one that has to be fixed.

I had a long list of bad habits:

• I ate all day...what I wanted, when I wanted it.
• I ate way too much fat in the form of fatty meats, fried foods, casseroles filled with cheese and other high-fat dairy products, and my biggest bad habit...butter on and in everything.
• I ate way too many processed foods.
• I ate sugar filled products indiscriminately.
• I used food and eating as entertainment.

Any time I tried to do something about my weight, I would take drastic steps that eliminated many of my bad habits...but also left me with no way to cope with the vacuum that was left behind. I took away the negatives...but I didn't replace them with working positives.

If I went low-fat, then I also went high carb.

If I went low-carb, then I also went high fat.

If I went low-cal, then I left myself hungry.

And when the "diet" failed, I would feel like I was a failure and go back to all my bad habits...it was all I knew to do.

I'm still the same person that I was 2 years ago...I have low days, sad feelings, occasional feelings of inadequacy, periods when I need comforting...but I have also conquered a lot of those old bad habits and replaced them with new habits that sustain me even when I'm not 100% On-Plan. I think you can see what permanent changes you have made in your eating style when you find yourself off-course and yet still maintain changes like not eating butter or large amounts of salad dressing...or continuing to order thin-crust vegetable pizza instead of the thick-crust meat topped version with extra cheese...or eating a little too much ice cream but making it the fat-free, sugar-free kind.

I think I'm more proud of those permanent changes than any other thing I've accomplished. I think the discovery that I have truly made permanent changes has given me the confidence I needed to continue to the next level.

I HAVE MY MOJO BACK

I just figured out this morning what is different about my attitude now as compared to a couple of weeks ago...I believe again! I had gotten into a rut after losing the first chunk of weight and I think somewhere in my brain, I wouldn't allow myself to believe that I would or could go to the next level. I've reached this weight several times in the past 10 years, but I haven't gone on to lose that next 10 or 20 pounds that would mean a more drastic change for me. I just quit believing that it would ever happen.

But now I am excited...I'm looking forward...I'm wanting desperately to dip my toes into that new pool that's just ahead of me and I know I can reach it...I just have to put one foot in front of the other and I will get there. If I can lose 70, surely I can lose another 20, can't I?

Roni says on her blog that motivation is contagious...so, since I'm on fire right now, I'm going to pass this FEVER on to all of you and maybe we'll be a blogging community with the "I CAN DO THIS!" bug.

You know you're feeling OPTIMISTIC when you go shopping and buy pants that fit but will feel better after a few more pounds are gone...and then, because they are on sale...you reach for another pair...but the next size smaller because you have confidence that you will be wearing them in the near future!

You know you're feeling ACCOUNTABLE when you refuse to look at the stretchy knit pants of the past and buy the new ones with zippers and buttoned waistbands that will reflect weight gain way before those knits ever would have.

WHAT A DIFFERENCE A WEEK MAKES

I now have 8 On-Plan days behind me...I'm a Leo...hear me roar!

I was reading the other day that feeling "thin" is all in your mind and that there are 300 pound people who can wake up feeling good about themselves and their body and then there are the 100 pounders who feel "fat"...oh, so true. It's all relative.

I haven't lost oodles of weight this week, I'm sure...although I think I have gone down...but I'm comfortably wearing a blouse this morning that I put on last Sunday morning and took off after about 10 minutes because it just didn't "feel right"...I felt "fat" and I didn't like it. This morning, I felt "thin" in the same blouse.

We can feel confident and "good" about ourselves at any weight.

These are the things I have done differently in the past week:

• I have incorporated parts of a 1400 calorie eating plan that I found into my Flex Plan. I love the Flex Plan, but I can play with those points and stretch them until they are hardly recognizable at times and I thought I needed to "tighten up" a little. The plan divides the calories into 3 snacks of 150 calories each, which I eat mid-morning, mid-afternoon, and a couple of hours after dinner. Breakfast is 250 calories and there are 350 calories for lunch and dinner. I love that breakdown and find it very easy to live with. While looking at the calories in what I eat, I also use the Flex concept of choosing high-fiber, low-fat foods, and lots of fruits and vegetables.
• I have replaced my sugar-free ice cream with a 60 calorie Dannon Light and Fit Yogurt which I throw in the freezer and eat for my evening snack...it takes forever to eat, it tastes great...love the vanilla one...and I get a serving of dairy. Win-Win.
• I have decided to limit my eating to just those six times...no celery...no radishes...nothing in between. I choose something to drink instead. Most of the time I'm wanting to nibble, I'm just thirsty anyway.
• I've been writing everything down in my spiral-bound theme tablet. I also have it handy to jot down things I read or hear on tv, ideas for meals, and just random thoughts I'm mulling over.

I chose an apple yesterday over a snack bar...that makes me proud. I could have had either one and been On-Plan...but I actually wanted the apple. Two years ago...I never ate fruit unless it was in a pie. I have made progress.

Kathy Calculates: Opinions

Opinions...I have a few. Wanna hear em...here they are:

• Scales do not measure how well our food plans are working on a short-term basis. The number on a scale reflects not only the amount of fat your body may be carrying, but also the amount of water. The number on the scale may vary according to the time of day you weigh, what clothing you are wearing, whether or not you have eaten or drank anything, and also the state of your digestive tract. Scales are affected by how you stand on them. Different scales will weigh one with different results. They will weigh differently according to where they sit on the floor. So given all these facts, do you really want the number on a scale to be your measure of how well your food plan is working, how effective your efforts of the previous day have been, or your self-worth? Scales are a good way of following long-term success but not day-to-day progress.
  
• Weight-loss organizations serve a very important role in offering us services, products, counseling, and in doing research in the area of obesity. But we must also be aware that they are a business and their first loyalty is to making money. With that in mind, we may do well to examine closely the advice they may offer about goal weights, the necessity for weekly weigh-ins, and the almost schizophrenic advice to lose weight slowly and sensibly and yet reward 5 and 6 pound a week weight losses with hearty applause in the meetings. I've seen first-hand the negative effects on many people of facing those mandatory weigh-ins or the insistence that one must meet the goals set by the organization and not one's own personal goals. If we are to benefit from their services, we are forced to play by their rules and they may not always serve our purposes or reward progress we may have made that is not immediately reflected on the scale...which is their ONLY tangible way of judging our progress on the program.
• There is no perfection to be had in the weight loss game. I'm constantly reminded that I do many things imperfectly in any given day, but I don't quit doing them because I don't do them perfectly...they may be too beneficial to me for me to surrender future attempts. Brushing and flossing comes to mind...If I fail to floss one evening I don't throw in the towel and declare that I am not a perfect flosser and therefore will abandon all flossing in the future. I just vow to do better and I do because my teeth are important to me and the effort is worth it. I also don't brand myself a loser or decide I need therapy because I was too lazy to floss the night before...I just go forward and try to do the best I can.

I'm happy to report that I now have 7 On-Plan days and am close to completing my 8th...and I think I just found the crease in my waistline again when I dressed this morning!

P.S. Thanks for your comments, guys. you are the best and I am giving you all a great big collective (((Hug!!!))).

YOU KNOW YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED A LONG TIME WHEN:

38 years since my brothers locked Hubby in the basement of the little church in Clifford, Indiana, and he was forced kicking and screaming up the aisle of the church to say his "I do's" to the prettiest, smartest, and luckiest girl that Clifford had ever known...or at least one of them. The engagement took place July 20, 1969 when I said to him..."Hey, handsome...why don't you marry me?" and he replied, "Yeah, when there are men on the moon!" and the rest is history!

The above tale is Hubby's version of events...he's so sweet! It's things like that and his jokes that I have heard over and over and over...his reply to every person who asks him how he is that he is "Fine as frog hair...split three ways...and sifted!"...his non-stop judgement with commentary of the abilities and techniques of every other driver on the road...his desire to entertain me with all the sci-fi, military, and history television he can find any time we are in front of the tv together...and many, many, many more things that have made 38 years of wedded bliss possible.

And the ability we both have to laugh about all those small things and see how lucky we are to have each other.

Yesterday's high-lights:

• My sixth day of being On-Point!
• Finding the Soy Bites from Crum Creek on my doorstep just before my afternoon snack. I had the Everythings with some hummus and was blown away with the flavor and the quantity of the breadstick-like treats. I liked them so much that I sat right down and ordered a second sampler box of them so I won't run out. I have their trail mix packets that I keep handy and these are also on my favorite list.
• Dinner...grilled Orange Roughey with lemon juice squeezed on top, a salad, and steamed broccoli!
• Listening to my granddaughter, Audrey, doing her best impression of a little girl with an English accent! "Grandmum...it's been ever so long since I've visited with you and had a spot of tea in the afternoon!"...what a kid!

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A GRANNY WHEN:

You know you're a granny when:

1. You cover the couch and the cover is so pretty that you throw an afghan in autumn colors over it to "protect" the cover and the darned afghan is so pretty that you're standing there wondering if you should cover that too in case the dog gets silly and sneaks in during the night and lays on it.
2. You dress yourself before you put your glasses on and come to the kitchen, make coffee, take it and sit down to do your blog, look down and have a fabric softener sheet sticking out of the leg of your pants.
3. You forget what the third item is before you have a chance to type it into the computer!

Five days of the September challenge and I am On-Point all five...the crowd cheers just like they do for Junior when he passes Gordon for the lead!!!

I know I'm wicked serious about this September thing because Hubby offered to take me somewhere for dinner for our anniversary tomorrow night and I said that it would be nice, but we had to go somewhere that would be easy for me to stick to my eating plan...not once did it cross my mind to use it as a "free" day...the crowd...still standing...cheer again!!!

Briana asked me yesterday when I was going to post some weight loss numbers...something I seldom do...I try to deal with the process more than the numbers on my blog, but I will be visiting my doctor at the end of the month and should have some progress to report then...that's the only time I weigh. I hope the "summer of sugar-free ice cream" can be offset by the September challenge!

ON A MISSION

Well, Ive finished 4 On-Plan days in a row! Woo! H00! September! This could become my favorite month.

Yesterday's high points:

• Woke up half an hour earlier than usual...ready to go!
• Had Quaker's new Simple Harvest oatmeal for my mid-morning snack and it is "way-good"!
• Got in all my fruits and vegetables...this is easy!
• Promised myself that during the month of September I would do a small amount of de-cluttering around the house and instead of the 15 minutes I had set aside for it yesterday, I just kept going...and going...and going. Even washed some windows and curtains in my kitchen! All that new found energy.
• I always gain a lot of water weight when I overdo the carbs and that is a sure fire warning that I am off-track...well, I've lost that...I can tell in how my clothes fit and my feet, hands, and face look.
• Limited myself to the three meals and snacks...no munching of ANYTHING more than that...not even a celery stick.

Looking forward to another good day...hope yours are going well too.

SIMPLE...NOT EASY

I mentioned in a comment the other day that I do my best when I remember the AA saying...which I learned at Overeaters Anonymous years ago...KISS...Keep It Simple Stupid. Sometimes we are all guilty of trying to complicate our programs or we flirt with other weight loss techniques...especially if we feel things aren't moving along as smoothly or as quickly as we feel they should.

Sometimes I get out my weight loss books I bought in that past life before I began this journey with Flex and I peruse them hoping to get a boost or a meal plan that will spark renewed interest in the whole weight loss thing. But after a few pages, I remember what I found unappealing about them in the first place. Many are so limiting in one way or another with either the types of food or amounts of food "allowed". Others eliminate whole food groups or the suggested foods are ones that I don't normally eat or would limit me to eating all my meals at home. And some are based on premises that I now find so silly...why couldn't I see that when I purchased the book and probably attempted trying the plan until I cried "Uncle" and called myself a failure...again. I should have recognized that it wasn't I who had failed, but the ridiculous food plan that I had assigned myself to follow.

I've grown up since then...and I've grown tired of complicated food plans or ones that don't make sense...or are just plain impossible to live with for a lifetime.

I found Flex and for me, it is the answer I needed. It works for me. And that's all that matters. I think each of us needs to find a plan that works for us and we shouldn't be told by someone else what that plan should be as long as it is a healthy plan and one that doesn't cause more harm than good.

But simple doesn't mean easy. If finding that plan and following the simple steps it lays out was easy, there wouldn't be an epidemic of obesity in our country. No, finding a simple plan and following it takes work. It requires planning, participation, and honesty. And it also requires a degree of determination and dedication...those have to come from within yourself...not the weight loss plan.

I have just completed Day Three and I followed my plan. I am proud of my efforts today and I can look in the mirror and smile at my reflection. I can look at myself and say that I did my best today and that is all I can expect of myself. That is a good feeling.

Simple and easy: Oatmeal...easy, easy, easy & 60 calorie Yogurt thrown in the freezer, as is, and taken out later...scrape and eat, scrape and eat...takes forever and you get a serving of dairy, a refreshing treat, and no guilt. Why do I forget how much I love these two things?!?

DAY THREE AND COUNTING

I was so bummed out about my eating last week that I had given myself a pass for the weekend and promised myself that I would dig in with both feet Tuesday morning and get this wagon train moving again...but I woke up Saturday morning with renewed optimism and decided that I would begin right there and then to regain control. I am so happy that I did. I'm now two days into a new chapter in my weight loss journey and it is "Wagons! Ho!"

I ran across a question in a book I picked up at a yard sale about simplifying your life that asked of the reader: "Are you willing to change?" It just struck me in its simplicity...for all the talk I might do about wanting to move forward, deep down there is a satisfaction in being where I am. I am back at the weight I have been for the past 30 years or so and I am comfortable with that in many ways.

Moving on to a lower weight is the next step on my journey and I think I did have to gather the will to take that step seriously. I have done just well enough to lose a little each month, but not enough to move myself into the next smaller size clothes or to make a big enough change that I can look in the mirror and have to deal with a "slightly" different looking Kathy looking back at me. Self-image is important to the psyche...even when it may be a slightly overweight, tired looking image.

But I felt brave when I woke up Saturday. I think I am ready to meet that Kathy who is that next size smaller version of the one I have come to know so well.

I have two very successful days behind me now and I am so glad I didn't add to my misery by waiting three more days to begin the next part of the journey.

SEPTEMBER CHALLENGE

Christine challenged herself to have a better September and is posting whether or not she has had a successful day or one that could have been better for every day in September. I thought it was a good idea and have added it to my sidebar. Any one else up to the challenge? We can improve our own performance and encourage a "sister" blogger at the same time.

Now, if I was as gifted as Christine at this blog design stuff there would be swirlies and fireworks going off and glitter falling down the front of the post, but please accept my humble attempt at stirring up some excitement for the month of September!

THE SWEET SMELL OF SUCCESS

It has been an awesome day...back on plan...drinking lots of fluids...three fruits...lots of vegetables. I don't know why I ever let this feeling pass me by. Being in charge of my eating is such a wonderful feeling that I consider it a gift to myself.

I'm looking through some recipes...Family Circle and Cooking Light are both full to the brim with new recipes to try. That should spark some excitement in the old food plan.

Have you seen the ads for the new Quaker Oatmeal called Simple Harvest? Can't wait to check it out further...it might be a welcome addition to the pantry.

My plan for tomorrow is:

1. Drink an 8ounce glass of water with each meal and snack.
2. Have at least one large serving of raw vegetables and one cooked and three fruits.
3. Pause between bites and chew my food carefully.

My reward for meeting these goals:

1. Greater self-esteem.
2. Better health for having substituted fruits and vegetables for more processed foods.
3. The pleasure of eating some great foods that I might otherwise overlook.
4. I'll be one day closer to fitting into the fall clothes I want to wear.

LIST THE WORK...WORK THE LIST

Thanks for the title, Mark.

Goal for today: Regain control of my eating.

Three steps I will take to achieve my goal:

1. I will limit my eating to three planned meals and three planned snacks.
2. I will journal and calculate points for everything I eat.
3. I will drink an 8ounce glass of water with each meal and snack today.

Why reaching my goal for today is important:

1. I feel better about myself when I am in control of my eating and there is order in my life.
2. I have fall and winter clothes I want to wear that I have to lose a few pounds to wear comfortably and that is important to me.
3. I believe that one good day prepares me for the next good day to come and I am anxious to start that process.